So I wait for you like a lonely house
until you will see me again and live in me.
Until then my windows ache.
For me, that meant riding this wave of happiness.
I got held back a level in Modern in the department. This means I’ll have to graduate either a semester or a year late. I know that in the world we live in graduating in 4 1/2 or 5 years is no shame. Funny enough, it’s not because I failed. I passed the class. But the dance department works on entirely different rules. I understand it’s because they truly believe I can improve and want to make sure that I improve before I leave here. I have the drive. It’s still a hard pill to swallow.
I think the hardest thing will be telling my dad. Not because he graduated in 4 years, that’s far from the truth. But because he’s footing this bill, and footing the bill of a prospective dancer is something that requires lots of acceptance and patience.
I have this thing about May. For the past few years, I can’t get out of May alive without something life changing happening. Each year it’s been something that’s broken my heart. But each year it has made me someone stronger and has been for the best. I know this is just the same. I’m just scared of what this all means. Does this means that with an extra semester I will finally be the dancer I want to be? Or does this mean that I’m not cut out for the dance world? Does this mean that my Dad will cut me off and I will be responsible for the rest of my college career, abruptly ending it?
There are too many questions swirling in my head right now to even address. I know I’ll make it through. I’m going to start with some deep breaths and then buck up to the challenge.